Oh, well, he's just
walking in right now. I'll tell him. Great news, Joey. I just got you the lead in
an industrial safety video ! What ? No, no no no no no. I don't want to do
any more stuff like that. Look, Bobbie... I came to LA to take
the next step in my career. And I feel like
I'm taking a step back. Look... I'm a straight shooter. But I'll tell you
something else about me. I am the best ! There is nothing that
I wouldn't do for you. It all started when I got this
new agent, this lady is a shark. I can pull off my own ears
...and eat them ! And that means she's a good
Agent, not an actual shark. I know that. Yeah, I did too. You got me doing these lame
auditions, lousy commercials. I need the soda can to run
out of the frame, action ! - Wait, I just gotta ask--
- Release the bees ! I need things to change, now ! Ooh... There's the fiery Latin heartthrob
that I took a chance on. And... Cut ! Huh?! I'm not Latin,
I'm Italian. Italian !? Oh, no ! Italians are out this year. Hollyweird, huh? They do Not like Italians. Maybe time for you to call in
your boy band connections. Shall we ? ♫ Spread far the fame of our fair name
Go, Northwestern, win that game! ♪ ♫ And then we'll-- ♪
Okay. I wasn't in a boy band ! I can't catch a break. Look !
Bobbie... You gotta do whatever it takes to get
me something... and something good ! Otherwise... I'm gonna go out and find
someone else who will. Oh... Joey, I've got great news. Did I get that commercial ? No, I bought a horse ! Let me explain how
this agent thing works. First,
you become famous. And then,
I'll kiss your ass. See,
you book a job... and I get 10%. Do you know what
10 percent of zero is ? Uh...?
Six goes in the frame... God ! I have never wanted
to slap you more ! You are screwing up your career ! You don't show up for an audition,
you scream at a casting director ! The only reason I did that
is because he's deaf. Who told you that ?? This actor. I see him at all my
auditions. He gives me pointers. Oh, wait a second. Is he the reason why you went into an
audition, you threw away your script... - and you started barking ?
- Yeah, did I get that part ? Oh, Joey.
He's messing with your head ! What !? Yeah, your little friend is
shoving crap up your pooper. Joey... you're such
a sweet naive guy. But you can't let people
take advantage of you. I really liked him.
I can't believe this. Well, I can't believe they take
the fat out of my ass... and put it in my lips,
but they do. Okay, look... Just give me one more chance. I will find you something. There's gonna be no more
celebrity parties, okay ? Welcome to Caligula ! I think it's really rude that
you didn't invite Joey. Hey, Bobbie, the chocolate fountain
is almost out of-- Yahoo... Okay, look, you're not really missing anything.
The most famous person here is Dean Cain. No more cheesy commercials. I'm Hollywood tough guy,
Joey Tribbiani. When I'm fighting the bad guys,
I can't let a headache get in my way. That's why I take
...Aspricin. Doesn't that sound too much
like "ass person" ? Oh, and.. When you'd get home, just delete the
message about emceeing the dog show. All right ! Okay, that's more like it.
Now... Is there anything
I can do on my end ? Yeah. It'd be great if you had
some connections. Who have you met in this
business who's powerful ? I mean someone who loves you,
someone you trust. You know, you're
really cold right now. Unless you can make
something happen for yourself, I don't know what to tell you. Just you, I guess. Katie,
it's Bobbie Morgenstern. The Agent ? The Super Agent ! Entertainment Weekly's
12th most powerful woman in Hollywood ! 67. You sweet thing,
come here. Oh, God... I can slap a diaper on you
and nurse you right now. Joey,
what are you doing here ? Why aren't you
out there, getting work ? Uh... I didn't have
any auditions today. Oh, sure... Put it all on me. Okay, look Bobbie. I got a real
problem and I need your help. I took an understudy role in this play-- Oh, no.
I hate plays ! No, that's not the problem ! Oh, it gets worse ? Well, I signed up to understudy
in three different plays And they all want me
to go on tonight ! What ?? Ah ! Why can't you just have a coke problem
like everyone else ? I'll give that some thoughts ! Are you doing some new designer drug
that you might have on your person ? No, no... It's just I've I've been working so much that
I'm having a hard time keeping track of things. Hello. Hey, Bobbie, it's Joey. Listen. I got myself into
a situation. It's bad. Okay. Here's the game plan. Flush the drugs. Throw the gun in the river. We'll tell everyone
it was exhaustion. No, no no, no. I need you to come down to the set. I've been seeing my daughter on the show... and she locked herself in her dressing room
and now we can't do the scene with the bear ! As long as you're off the steroids,
I don't need to know your business ! Uh...
I was never on steroids. Oh, sure ! A forehead just grows
that way on its own ! Every time I'm about to give up on this business
something wonderful like this happens. - I'll be right there.
- Okay. Where are they ?
Oh ! Bobbie, thank God ! Sorry it took me so long. They've been reluctant
to let me on the lot... since I punched David Caruso. - So, what's the problem ?
- Katie still won't come out of her dressing room. Well, don't you worry. I know
how to deal with crazy actors. You just smile and tell them
what they want to hear. Okay, you think
you can help me ? Absolutely. Joey, we're all here because
we're worried about your career. And because we're worried
about you as friends. Yeah...
that's why I'm here. Joey... We know that you've
been having a lot of... chocolate milk. Chocolate milk. It put me in such a
good mood, you know I have some chocolate milk,
watch some cartoons... We should share a glass
sometime soon. Heck, with the three of us,
we might as well have a ball. Sounds good ! That guy's cooler than I thought. That's what I'm talking about. So, what's the big deal ? Look, Joey, you wanna act like this isn't a problem
but you're thinking about it right now, aren't you ? How many times
have you had it today ? Once. Look at me ! Four times. I thought I could keep it under
control, okay, but I can't ! I wake up in the middle
of the night craving it ! I... I... What ? I stole money from
Michael to get some. You know what, that's it !
I'm just gonna get rid of it. There you go. I'll disposal it. When was your first time ? Kindergarten. Yeah. Me too. Well, lucky for you,
I'm the queen of multitasking. Right now, as we are talking,
I am doing butt clenches... and I'm learning Spanish
in this earpiece? "Me llamo Bobbie." I'm trying to seduce
a Mexican soap star. Enough of that
"¿donde esta la playa?" crap. How do you say
"Take off my bra !" ? "Quitame mi brasier !" Joey... I did it ! I got you a huge
audition for tomorrow. That was fast.
What happened ? Well, apparently your friend from
Northwestern called the producer. And then the producer called me
and offered you the audition. And I said...
"Okay". That's great ! Okay.
Well, what's it for ? It's a sexy new nighttime drama
set in a mountain resort. It's called
"Deep Powder". Hang on Lizzy ! I can't walk,
it's too hard ! Then I'll carry you
off this mountain. I'll carry you for as long
as it takes to get you home. It's Baywatch on skis... and it's the dumbest
script I ever read. It's gotta be Huge !! Cut ! Man ! How heavy is that kid ?
She got weights in her pockets ? We'll finish this
after lunch, people. Okay,
have a nice lunch. Maybe just a salad. Hey, Joey ! Bobbie, hey ! Hey, everyone.
This is my agent, Bobbie. Hello, everyone. I just watched your last scene. Wow...! You're all so lucky to have work. She got me offers
from two new shows ! I'd offered a call and
threaten to ruin his career, but... he couldn't get much worse,
he's doing a play ! Wow !
What are they ? Well, the first one is about
a bunch of male nurses... ...and I wasn't really crazy about that.
I mean, I've already been a brain surgeon. I don't think my fans'd buy me as a nurse. They bought you as a brain surgeon,
they're pretty understanding, Joey. You're a big bright guy ! Yeah.
Yeah, I get that a lot. Really ? Hey, Bobbie. I just finished
reading the script. Thank, God ! I told them you could read
but I wasn't sure. So, how are
the lines coming ? Ah, yeah... words. The worst part of acting. I can't get that
opening monologue. I think I have too much
information stored in my brain. It's an interesting Theory. Oh, it's my agent,
The Shark. Hello. What...? My show is dead.
It's not even gonna air. Do you think you should
have done the other show...? - The "Nurses" thing ?
- Oh, no way ! Believe me, no one is going
to watch a show about nurses. "I'm with Sam Baxter, one of the
hunky stars of the Smash Hit "Nurses". Joey !
Thank you for coming in. Listen,
the reason that I call-- No, no, no. You didn't call me.
I called you. Oh, good. I was just about
to make something up. I know we blew it by turning
down that Nurses' thing... but I gotta believe there is something
bigger for me right around the corner. Listen... You are living
in a dream world. Excuse me ? That Nurses' show is huge. Everyone involved with it
is gonna become insanely rich and it's gonna haunt you
for the rest of your life. But my job is
to keep up your morale. I am gonna get
you through this. I tell you, next year, I am gonna find you a show
that'll blow this Nurses' thing right out of the-- What the hell
am I saying ? Nothing's gonna top that ! I do feel better. Uh... hold on.
"Next year" ? No, no, no. I need to
get something now ! Well, I got nothing. Zilch ! Zero. NADA ! There's gotta be something ? Well... They do need a host for this new
Entertainment News show. It's not really "acting"... but it may work since you have
such a tremendous head. I do ? Oh, come on !
We don't have time for this. Thanks Bobbie.
Thank you. Looks like you got a big
barrel on your shoulders.