I was too young to sign the paperwork I had to ask my mom to sign the paperwork for me because I don't have bone spurs who's going to tell him that the job he's currently seeking might just be one of those black jobs Donald Trump doesn't know you at all you think he understands that when your car breaks down you can't get to work no his first word was probably chauffeur there's the childish nicknames the crazy conspiracy theories this weird obsession with crowd sizes when a house is on fire we don't ask about the homeowner's race or religion we don't wonder who their partner is or how they voted no we just try to do the best we can to save them and if the pce Place happens to belong to a childless cat lady well we try to get that cat out too I saw him holding the Bible he should try reading it trust Donald Trump and JD fans to look out for your family shoot I wouldn't trust them to move my couch Donald Trump is like an old boyfriend who you broke up with but he just won't go away he has spent the last four years spinning the block trying to get back into a relationship with the American people bro we broke up with you for a reason KLA Harris has a resume Donald Trump has a rap sheet she presides over the Senate while he keeps our national Secrets next to his thinking chair she will never rest in defense of our freedom and safety Donald Trump fell asleep at his own trial I guess Donald Trump will finally know what it's like when you get left for a younger woman what are they supposed to make to these endless tributes to the late great Hannibal lecor President Obama once gave me the great honor of saying I was the explainer and chief folks I thought and thought about it and I I don't know what to say JD Vance do you understand why there was a sudden job open opening for running mate on the GOP ticket they they tried to kill your predecessor and don't even get me started on his new running mate at least Mike Pence was polite you ever seen a document that could kill a small animal and democracy at the same time I have to say coach walls way too much Reliance on the blitz in 99 against Mano East you had a strong defensive line I would have played more press coverage with your corners and then dropped the safeties into a Tampa two that's just me sorry I wanted you to know how I feel every day of the NBA season all right you can tell those those flannel shirts he wears don't come from some political consultant they come from his closet and they have been through some stuff for Generations people have debated when to call the person you're being set up with and never in history has anyone suggested 8:30 a.m. and yet that's when I dialed I got comm's voicemail and I just started rambling hey it's Doug I'm on my way to an early meeting again it's Doug [Applause]