Browse Transcripts

Category: People & Blogs

[applause] how are you they're very excited i couldn't even get the beginning out they were so excited it's nice to see you both so do you enjoy being here both from the uk do you enjoy being in new york city like working yeah i actually have lived here for a long time cuz i went to school here but... Read more

Category: People & Blogs

-we're back with eddie redmayne, and i'm so appreciative that you're here. this is a show night, and you mentioned you're on stage most of the night, but you're also, you're not just standing on stage. here's another art card of a sort of jump that i could only do maybe once, and i feel like you're... Read more

Category: People & Blogs

-our first guest tonight is an academy award and tony-winning actor you know from movies like "the theory of everything," "the danish girl," and the "fantastic beasts" franchise. he is currently tony nominated for his work in "cabaret" at the kit kat club, which is playing at the august wilson theater... Read more

Category: Comedy

Did you sure say isis it's her name change it it's your last or first name first name the easiest one to change what's your last name hamas what is it sherlock sherlock the only way this name could be worse is if her first name was no shit is that one for me yeah all right i'll take it give me that... Read more

Category: Comedy

I didn't even plan on being a stand-up comedian like i wasn't one of those kids that was like one day i'm gna have a netflix special it wasn't in my head i want i always want to be a professional tennis player like i joke that like my dream i failed things went ary and now i have a netflix [laughter]... Read more

Category: Sports

Intro you can't be crying if you're a coach uh before a super bowl cuz then everyone would be like hey remember when you cried and then lost the super bowl yeah and then that gif is just going to be used anytime you screw up yeah and that guy wearing the crazy pants was in the 500 level that's probably... Read more

Category: Entertainment

At the ceremony i sang a nice song for you here's me singing a song for you can we zoom in on your on your family because i'm singing a nice song to you can we just zoom in like what's going on you pissed my son off you were being an assho he was sick of it what are you talking about i was singing a... Read more

Category: Comedy

Ladies and gentlemen here's a professional actor reading the line it's a me mario in a very dramatic way it's a me mario Read more

Category: News & Politics

Jimmy kimmel cheekily reacts to jimmy fallon’s late-night episode cancellation Read more

Category: Comedy

Our next guest is a member of congress who is doing everything he can to make c-span exciting have you all lost your minds donald trump opposes it because donald trump wants to be president because donald trump has 91 felony counts that he's facing and the only way that those go away and he is not held... Read more

Category: Entertainment

Main thing when people come to sit with dad the doctors want positive talk it helps in his recovery got it maron he looks terrible ply Read more

Category: Entertainment

Guy comes home with a bouquet of flowers for his wife i guess i'll have to spread my legs now she says why he asks don't you have a vase Read more

Category: Entertainment

Rich man and a poor man they got the same wedding anniversary every year they meet on madison avenue when to shopping for their wives so the poor man says to the rich man would you buy your wife this year he says i got her a huge diamond ring and a brand new mercedes poor man says where'd you get a... Read more

Category: Comedy

Our next guest is yet another handsome man with the face of a greek god and skin like a baby dolphin is extremely animated new movie is called migration come on we got to get ready mac ready for what nothing just you know for our big super fun family migration what h bet you didn't see that coming are... Read more

Category: Comedy

Welcome to jimmy k live i am your guest host c nani thank you for coming this is my first time ever hosting a late night talk show never done it before i am so excited to be here what a super chill time to be doing a topical monologue on national television just sharing your personal opinions with millions... Read more

Category: Comedy

Our first guest tonight is a funny and talented comedian tickets for her alive and unwell tour are available at nikki glazer docomo welcome nikki [applause] glazer thank you so much for doing this you so good at this what never you the whole point to where i'm supposed to sit well as if there was anywhere... Read more

Category: Comedy

Is there pakistani porn mia khalifa mia khalifa she's not pakistani i bet do people you think yeah do you think people come up to her and go hey i thought you were great and butts and boobs four and she's like that wasn't me give me the plot of butts and boobs one and then i'll tell you how we got to... Read more

Category: Comedy

A few months ago i had the great honor of giving the commencement speech to cornell's graduating class of 2024 i did i don't know why they asked me i did not go to cornell past speakers have included presidents biden and clinton maya angelou and me the guy from hotb time machine 2o and while i gave... Read more

Category: Comedy

Our first guest tonight is a very talented man uh who joins an army of other very talented people including steve martin and martin short you can see season four of only murders in the building on hulu now please welcome kumel nan [applause] johnny wow wow very good to see you and i must say thank you... Read more

Category: Sports

It's jim white simon jordan and martin keon we are live in talk sport we're talking lee carley we're talking england before it goes out my mind simon graham good morning to you down in climping in west sussex i was down there the weekend beno good morning to you big fans of mr jordan and they're asking... Read more